Recently, my blog buddy, Amber, came up for a playdate. We took our kiddos to Burger King to play and the topic of pageants came up. She asked, “How did you ever get involved with pageants? Would you want your girls to compete?”
Amber and I discussed this a little (in between climbing in the play area to save our children) but after we talked about it a bit, I went searching the blog to see if I’d ever really addressed this question. I know I’ve talked about the pageants, especially in the story of the first years of my relationship with Mike, but I couldn’t find much where I actually addressed my views on pageants – if you’d heard this all before, I’m sorry! I did find this post from 2008, “Cure for the Pageant Bug” but since I’ve had the girls I haven’t really talked about my thoughts on pageants and how I would feel about my girls competing in one.
This is a timely post as this weekend is the Illinois Association of Agricultural Fairs Convention in Springfield. Just nine years ago, I was checking into the Crowne Plaza for the pageant weekend I’d spent months preparing for. It turned into one of the craziest weekends (and years!) of my life when I ended up winning. Even now, nine years later, I still can’t believe I actually won.
So, how did I become involved in pageants in the first place… well, when I was in middle school, my mom worked for my hometown newspaper. One of the stories she was required to report on was the local fair queen pageant and she took me along. We were able to sit in one of the front rows and I had birds-eye view of the cattle call that is the swimsuit competition. I remember that night she said to me, “When you turn 16 you should do this. It would be so good for you. You’d learn so much.” That was repeated a few times and when I was 16 I decided to compete. I knew I didn’t have a snowballs chance in hell of winning and was completely happy when I walked off the stage able to say, “I picked the winners!” I had a lot of fun competing and several of my friends (including two of my future bridesmaids, Jenny and Jenna) competed with me.
As there always is, there was drama surrounding the pageant. My mom had been told that there was no way I was going to win (ummm… well, yeah. I could have told her that.) but of course it was frustrating. No one wants to hear negative comments about their child. It festered in my mind that certain people either didn’t think I was good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, whatever enough, to win. Suddenly, I found my motivation. I found myself secretly thinking – join a club? That would look great on a pageant application. Straight A’s? Wouldn’t that GPA be nice to hear read while I’m walking in my swimsuit. I kicked the idea of competing again around a bit and settled on running again when I was older.
The summer I turned 20, Mandy called me at home a few days before applications were due for the pageant. I’d made it pretty clear I planned to run again the following year, but Mary Lou had convinced Mandy to run and she wanted me to run with her. It didn’t take much for me to agree and before I knew it both Mandy and I were spending our summer printing photos and trying on pageant dresses. Let’s just say that we were all surprised when I was announced as 1st runner up. I couldn’t have been any more thrilled if I would have been crowned queen.
I convinced Mandy and Mary Lou to go with me to the state pageant in January to support our local queen. I was in total awe of the entire experience. I picked the winner almost immediately and aura and the atmosphere sucked me in. I wanted to be on that stage. I had no delusions that I could actually win, heck, I would be competing for the third time at my local pageant which brought about it’s own stigmas. But I knew I wanted the opportunity to try. So I ran again, which is much more convoluted then this one sentence, and managed to win the local crown. Then, I set my sights on being in the Top Twelve at State.
On that Sunday evening, 9 years ago, when they called, Contestant #64, Miss Richland County is now Contestant #10, I was 100% satisfied. I relaxed completely and would have been more than happy to go home with nothing else. That meant that I was relaxed, myself, and spent more time chatting with the other girls backstage than fixing my lipstick. The look on my face when they announced me as the winner says it all. What I really wanted to say in that moment was, “Holy shit! What?! Really?!!” I still kinda feel that way. My first thought after the initial shock was, “Hmmm… maybe a Valentine’s wedding.”
When asked if I want my daughters to compete, my answer is a quick no. If given my druthers, I’d rather they stay far from the pageant circuit. When they are older, if they choose to compete in a pageant, I’ll support them, but it definitely is not something I will encourage. There are many reasons that I feel this way – most importantly, I don’t want them to have to deal with the extreme judgment and scrutiny that comes with being a pageant contestant. Everything from the thickness of my eyebrows to the lift of my butt (at 21 – please…) was under fire. I was young and cute (hindsight is 20/20) and I wish I could have just enjoyed it. All of this was before I was even queen!
As a “public figure” everything I did – from the way I wore my hair to what I did in my personal and private life was judged and discussed by people who didn’t even know me. Those that did know me usually knew the truth – that I wasn’t perfect (shocking, I know!). I think most ‘pageant girls” must be perfectionists at heart, which makes the constant scrutiny even more difficult.
As a parent, I just don’t want to see my girls be judged and ridiculed. Yes, I want them to excel and succeed, but more than anything, I want them to be happy. And trust me, when every move you make is being analyzed, it’s very difficult to truly be happy.
One nice aspect of moving away is that I now control who knows I was a “queen” – at least until they find my blog… It isn’t something that is immediately known – especially considering my life has changed pretty considerably in the last nine years. On a typical day, I’m unshowered, wearing sweatpants, and have three small children attached to me. I’m at the other end of the spectrum! When people do find out, they usually just look at me strangely and I can see their mind whirling and can almost see the “Really??!” cross their lips before they think better of it. And honestly, I’m totally okay with it. It’s nice to be just be me– totally myself. It’s also nice not to care what everyone else is saying about me anymore. (If you’re reading this on an iPhone in the Crowne Plaza ballroom, feel free to discuss. At least if you’re talking about me, you’re not talking about one of the contestants. Give your favorite contestant a hug and tell her that you think she’s the bee’s knees no matter what!)
The pageant experience and being a queen definitely helped shaped who I am. They are experiences I wouldn’t trade and have blessed me in many ways – from interview skills to meeting many phenomenal people. That said, the reason I’m not attending this year doesn’t have anything to do with my muffin top. 
Love your comment to those reading at the Crowne Plaza!
I’m so glad to have met you (in blog land and in real life). I look forward to our next get together!
LOL. I figured that you probably wouldn’t put your girls in child pageants because you actually are good looking, whereas most child pageant moms seem to be living vicariously through their pretty little girls!
A very shy grade school classmate got involved with pageants in her late teens. They weren’t pageants I had ever heard of, but she had a webpage and wrote about the self-esteem boost. I thought that was nice. This would have been around 1998 in NW Illinois.
It was a nice phase of life for all of us (with plenty of not so nice moments). I’m glad we got to experience it (myself vicariously, of course) but I am even more excited to say that I will not be at state, and more than likely not at local, for a long time. Love Ya, Princess!
I think it would be hard for the girls to be even aware of pageants unless you exposed them to them. They aren’t advertised. Not only do you have to worry about their own self image, but there are creeps all over this world any more and that alone wants me to keep them hidden.