Since we found out we will be moving on Monday, the week has been rather um… well… eventful.
I won’t go into all of the details of said events. But let’s just say they have involved the police, a lawyer, bankers, realtors, and a psychologist.
To condense a very long story – my mom has decided that she wants to divorce me (and yes, she actually said that). She has said, repeatedly over the last several days, that she no longer wants to see me or my family. She does not want any contact with any of us and she plans to burn all of our pictures. She says she will turn off her phone, the internet, and has already attempted to have me thrown off of her property.
What triggered these events? The move. The move that we’ve been waiting for and discussing for the last seven years. Apparently, she feels like I am abandoning her – despite my repeated requests for her move with us, for her to split her time, or more recently, for her to not break all communication with us and allow us to visit and for her to come stay with us whenever she would like. She also feels like I am a mean and horrible daughter — which definitely is not the case – but I won’t go into the litany of reasons why at this point…
I am to the point of emotional exhaustion where I have no idea what to think, or say, or do. While I knew that our move wouldn’t be a hand-holding, butterflies and rainbows, walk down the yellow brick road, I never even fathomed all of this.
It’s one thing to want to punish me. But to never want to see this little guy…
well… I just can’t imagine.
I don't know what to say! That's a pretty extreme reaction. I can't imagine she could ever manage to stay away from Bo though so I hope that you manage to work through this with her and get to the other side. You've all had your world turned upside down this week and some people manage it better than others. Sounds like your Mom probably thought this change wouldn't ever happen and now it is and all so quickly she just isn't ready or able to deal with it. I hope she comes around. You guys sound like you have something too good to throw away and certainly noone can ever be a replacement Grammie to Bo and your twin girls. Try and take things one step at a time and just do everything that you can (which I know you would be). I'll be thinking of you and holding fingers and thumbs.
Take care and good luck,
Clare (from Australia)
I am so sorry. What an awful thing for you and your family. From the outside, I think that you are absolutely doing the right thing and hopefully, with psychological help, your mother can come to understand that. I moved thousands of miles and you will be able to make friends and to be happy again. Family hurt is something you will be able to deal with as long as you and your husband and child continue to work together for your family.Be strong. I am so sorry.
I'm so sorry!!! That's the main reason why I might rant and rave about my mom, but I can't break things off with her. I want our kids to not miss that relationship.
Jaime – I am so sorry! I've been there with my parents before and it's heartbreaking. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone.
Oh, Jamie! I can't even begin to imagine how you are feeling. I pray that after some time, your mom will reconsider her decisions. You two seem very close, so I really hope that is the case. I'll be thinking about you!
Amber
I have been reading your blog for a few weeks and was excited to see that Mike got a promotion. So sorry to hear about the problems with your mom, I can imagine the pain you are feeling, being pulled in two different directions. I hope everything works out and she moves with you. Good luck with everything.
Wow. I'm so sorry, Jamie. I know the move is going to be stressful enough without all of this. I hope she comes around. I'll be thinking of you.
Wow, that totally stinks! It seems to me that you are really close to your mom and she is really close to Bo so that reaction seems really extreme. I hope that things get better and she comes to term with your move and perhaps even embraces it and joins you.
I just wanted to stop in and let you know how sorry I am that you and your family are going through this right now. I certainly hope your mom has a change of heart. Though my kids are still very young, as a mother I just could never imagine wanting to break off ties with my family, especially grandchildren. I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers and hoping that it all works out for you guys!! Take care!
I'm sorry you're going through this. Having a mother that has had similar volatile reactions to things I can relate to a certain extent. I hope that cooler heads will eventually prevail and that your mom realizes that just because you're moving doesn't mean you're leaving her. I'm truly sorry.
I am so sorry. I have been reading your blog for a few weeks and have been really excited for your move. I know you are really close to your mom and that this must be hard for you. Hugs.
Oh no, that's terrible! I hope it's just a temporary reaction and that she'll come around. People handle stress in so many different ways. I don't even know what to say other than I hope the situation improves quickly and that you can stay strong for Bo and the twins.
Jamie,
ML
Think abot your Mom first for a minute. In the past 6 weeks she has had some serious health issues which more than likely made her think differently. Her safety net is her home here and her family and her surroundings, that is what is real.
This abrubt turn of events (although talked about much in the past years) is a reality check, much like what she expereinced with her health issues.
The health issue frightened her I am sure and now this, what other emotion does she have but fear of the unknown. The majority of her life has been here with you, your Grandpa and recently your family as well as her extended family, a move is going to be very difficult for her, if she stays put that too will be totally difficult, you and your family are a major part of her life. Why should she not be torn, neither option is good in her mind, I am sure!
Things will smooth out, have Faith. Love conquers all and you love your Mom, so does Bo and I am sure her love for the two of you and the twins is unmeasurable!
I can see her point and yours too. I also will be selfish and let you know we will have a definite void in our lives with you gone. I love you and wish only good things for you.
All will be okay, I have Faith!
I'm really sorry your mom is reacting this way. This reminds me of my friend B.'s mom, who has some health problems (physical and emotional). I've seen how much pain, guilt, and confusion B. experiences as a result. I hope your mom has some help to process and accept your move.
I hope this is just a knee-jerk reaction and that with cooler heads a solution can be reached. If you talked about it for so long, maybe she thought it wouldn't actually come to fruition – seven years is a long time to talk about something.
I'm thinking of your family.
Jamie,
Not that you don't already know this, but I'm sure that your mom is just acting and speaking from a place of fear. Her own health issues and being set in her ways are probably at the root of this.
That said, this is the LAST thing that you need with all that you have going on in your life right now, especially being pregnant with twins.
As for never wanting to see that little face again, no way could I do that. He is too precious. I guess that is what is most heartbreaking about your last post.
I hope that all will somehow work out and hearts and fences can be mended. Until then, I'm thinking of you. Hang in there!
There is no excuse for treating you this way. You are the strongest, most wonderful woman I have ever met in my life. Although my heart breaks for your move (for completely selfish reasons, of course), I want to lift you up so you can fly. You deserve all the wonderful things in the world, and you will have them. I am honored to be your friend.
Aunt Manny
Oh Jamie…I am so very sorry your mom is reacting this way. I hope she will eventually relent and at the very least agree to visits. The one time I was truly at odds with my mom it broke my heart but it was necessary.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I agree with what others have said and think that maybe this is just an initial reaction and when she has time to cool down she will be fine. Thinking of you.
Jamie, Have you talked to your mom's doctors? I wonder if this could be related to the stroke – it sounds like such an extreme, irrational reaction. I am so sorry that you're going through this.
In addition to the fear that other commenters have mentioned, there is a high likelihood that this kind of abrupt behavior change is a direct result of the stroke. The good news is that vascular damage (esp. after a single incident) often repairs itself over time and people can return to normal. I hope that you can treat this as a sign of illness rather than the very personal rejection that it must feel like.
In the meantime, just take care of yourself and all of your little ones.
Like everyone else I just wanted to offer my support to you over this issue. You're Mom obviously adores you and Bo(thats clear as day for strangers far and wide to feel)and she's just going through some stuff right now. Whether it be stroke, stress, or hormonal related.
All you can do is let her know you love her and remind her you know she loves you and move on with your life. Hopefully your mother will join you if thats what she chooses…or make peace with the distance. As for Bo…its best to keep him away from the volotile situations/emotions right now, and just remind him often that Grammy loves him, even if he can't see her right now.
Good Luck and stay strong!!
Holy crap! What a HUGE turn of events. I figured your mom would be upset, but not to the point of never speaking to you again.
My mom has always been angry at me for moving across the country, not the state. She makes little comments about how she has distant grandchildren that don't know their grandparents.
I hope your mom realizes what she said to you and comes around to it all.
But for now, try not to stress and focus on you, the babies, and of course your cute little Bo.
That's horrible! I'm sorry for the rough week. I hope you guys can reconscile soon.
Wow Jamie, I have to say I am very shocked to read this. You and your mom seem to have a wonderful relationship. I am sure like everyone has said she is scared and nervous of the unknown with everything that has been going on in her life. BUT I also don't think that you should not go after your goals for your own family if that is what is best. Even all of us reading your blog have seen this movie coming and and how bad you want it, I would have thought your mom would have been prepared and ready for this day to come and be happy for you. Whether she wants to go or not. Not to mention Bo and your unborn twins on the way. Hopefully this is all just a a really big bump in the road and your mom will think this through a little more before she "writes you off"
Try to stay relaxed, and think of you, Mike, Bo and the twins.. extra stress is not what you need right now. We will keep you in our thoughts.
Oh Jamie, I'm so sorry ya'll are going through this.
That's a tough situation to go through. For all involved. I hope you all can get things ironed out, as soon as possible.
Hang in there. Sending you lots of strength.
*HUGS*
Wow. I'm really sorry you are being confronted with this right now. I hope your mom comes around. Sooner rather than later.
Oh Jamie. How awful for you. I'm sorry. I know how much your Mom means to you and you must be really hurting right now.
Jamie, I'm sorry! I know this is tough right now, but I am sure things will simmer soon. Your mom loves you and Bo so much, is is obvious how close you all are. She is going to miss seeing you every day and it will be hard for all of you. However, I am certain it will all work out.
When I moved across the country, my mom went through every emotion imaginable. It hasn't always been easy, but I would do it again in a heartbeat.
Hang in there!
Wow that is very sad. I hope she comes around.
Hey Jamie,
Hang tight. Give your Mom the space she thinks she wants and eventually, she'll come around. She won't stay mad forever. She probably just feels threatened that you are moving, and maybe insecure in her own life that she knows that the best thing for her to do is to go with you. I imagine that's a hard fact to face-being her age and knowing that she NEEDS to be with her daughter. But she ought to. Maybe not right now, maybe not when you first move, but I bet by the time those litle girls get here, you and Mom will be back together again. I'll be thinking about you.
Sus
Jamie, I'm gutted for you. I am so so sorry.
I heard about this from a friend and Googled to find you. I know your mom and she is a very warm caring and compassionate person. She had my daughter in school.She loved her. She always brags on you and loves taking of her grandson. It seems that their must be more to this story for her to be so mad and upset. I haven't talked to her since Prom when we took the kids by to show her their outfits. She was tickled to see them and hugged them.
I hope you work it out… she is a good person and I know she loves you and your family. Carol
I'm so sorry that your mom is choosing to behave this way. My sister-in-law's mother did the same thing with each of her 6 daughters when they decided to marry and, as she saw it, left her. She hasn't seen a single one of her daughters since their engagements were announced. Between the 6 of them, there are some 22 grandchildren that she has never seen. I just can't understand.
Just try to remember that this isn't because of you. It's your mom who is choosing to behave this way. I know that doesn't help, but just try to keep in mind that it isn't your fault, even though she'll try to make you believe it is. She's the only one who can control her actions and her behavior, and nobody can make her happy until she's ready to do so.
We just got back into town. Matter of fact, we drive past Peru on our way home from my daughters. It isn't that far about 3-4 hours according to how you drive. Carol called to tell me about this blog. She is concerned about your mom and her and Syndal plan to stop by to see her.
I talked to your mom on Tuesday. She was a little upset about your moving. But told me that she was planning to go up and stay with you until after the babies are born to help and then see where/how she felt. She didn't want to rent an apartment up there because she felt she could sit in her own home which is paid for and be by herself and be lonely without the expense of being somewhere and not knowing anyone. That makes sense to me? Cindy said somebody (I don't remeber who) was going to watch her house and care for the lawn while she was gone. I was helping her cut some of the strips for the baby quilt because she can't seem to see well enough now to get them sraight. She showed me the first quilt and it is absolutely gorgeous. Glenda had just finshed the quilting on it. I showed her the two I had made over the weekend by machine. She said she had over a hundred hours in the first one and was tickled that it was finished. She wants to learn how to use the sewing machine and be able to knock one out in 8 hours..
I don't think I realized how lonely she has been until then or Pat and I would have stopped by more often to see her. Offered to start walking with her since she is suppose to be walking daily. She is still recovering from the stroke and it may take awhile for her vision to improve.
I know that she loves you and your family very much..
WHAT HAPPENED?
I know she really misses her dad and thats been a big adjustment for her and her health hasn't helped the situation either.
I would lke to be friends with your mom. She did such a good job with Pat when he was in her room.I know that she will miss you and your family. Sorry to hear that this has happened. Hopefully with time all wounds can be healed and you can be a family again. Good luck in Peru!!!
Jamie. I am so sorry. The reaction is so extreme like another commenter it makes me wonder if somehow the way her brain was affected from the recent stroke is contributing. I hope she has a change of heart soon and realizes that you are just doing what's best for your family. My heart goes out to you all-
I think it's easy to live in the "dream world" that the talked about is never going to become a reality. I'm sure when it became a reality it "punched your mother in the stomach" so to speak.
It has been so obvious the love you have for you Mom and vice versa, I hope she comes around when all has settled and realizes that you guys are doing what is best for your family.
I moved away from my hometown 4 years ago and I'm thankful everyday my Mom was supportive.
((hugs))
First of all- WOW! You are dealing a lot to be pregnant so please take care of yourself!
Second- have you spoken to your mom's neurologist? Judgement and personality can be affected by strokes and other brain issues.
Third- if this is just your mom being your mom then I am sorry. I personally know how painful that can be and how the desire to maintain that connection, despite the venom, is always there as a daughter.
You are in my prayers.
I am sorry that you are dealing with this. My mom reacts the same way to change. I just give her time and space to back down and cool off.
I can't imagine the turmoil you must be feeling right now.
I hope everything sorts itself out soon.
I was just wondering if the blog is the right place to discuss such sensitive issues? What about a little respect for your Mom? Being uprooted from one's home is difficult for anyone!
I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this added stress on top of everything else involved with the move – and while pregnant! I hope your mom just needs some time to readjust and reassess the situation, I hope she realizes that her relationship with Bo (and you) is greater than this change.
I am sure she is just hurt. This is so sad.
Coming from LAFCA…that's a pretty extreme reaction. Depending upon how stubborn she is (sounds like she is pretty damn stubborn), she may be out of your life for a while–but I hope she reconsiders.
Sorry that you are having to deal with this, on top of dealing with a move (and, gee, being pregnant with twins!).
I came over from LFCA and just wanted to say I'm so sorry you're dealing with this stress. I hope your mom will come around, as certainly, moving for a spouse's job and family is a common and normal thing to do.
oh honey! I am catching up with you and just so so sad for your Mom's reaction. It feels so extreme and it sucks that you are having to, well, coddle her through. ugh
will be thinking of ya'll lots and hoping she can come around. so so sorry!!
My mother used to have sporadic episodes like this. We didn't know at the time that it was the precurses of the alzheimers/dementia to follow. I know its hard to get your parent to listen to you but I would suggest trying to get her evaluated. My mom never did, and so we had to wait until she almost died to get her diagnosed. This is so tough. I hope your relationship can start to heal soon.
Here from L&F, I'm sorry that you're dealing with this right now – it must be really tough. I hope your Mom wakes up before it's too late.
HUGS
xxx
Goodness, sweetie I am so sorry…I hope that things will level off-and that she will realize the severity of her reaction-I know you love her very much, and are just torn up about this. Thinking of you…