Over the course of the last several weeks, it’s become apparent that Bo needs to spend more time around other children. While there were three weeks with no childcare (and I still managed to work – *patting myself on the back*) my mom is back to watching Bo on a slightly altered schedule. That said, at Grammie’s and at home, Bo is the center of the universe and has no one close to his age to talk to and interact with.
Economically, we are quickly finding that part-time daycare is ridiculous. I won’t go into specific dollar figures as I know daycare varies wildly around the country, but it actually makes more financial sense for us to enroll Bo in daycare full-time (40 hours per week) as opposed to part-time (7 hours of daycare, 15 hours at my mom’s).
But the issue isn’t really money, it’s my issue with being away from Bo. It’s been my issue all along. I hate the idea of being away from Bo for any length of time (yet there are days when I so desperately need time to work or that much alluded to but rarely seen concept of “me time” to do something oh so important as showering…). I hate the idea of taking him somewhere and leaving him for the day. I despise the idea that I can’t do it all and work a million hours a week and be Super Mom. I hate the idea that someone else would be “raising my child.”
Logically, when I am able to set those feelings and emotions aside, I realize that in order to keep working and maintain my sanity, I can’t be with him all the time. My mom has been the perfect solution up to this point as I know she loves him unconditionally and I have no worries about him when she is in her care.
But Bo needs exposure to other children. Bo’s vocabulary, while now up to 20ish words, isn’t where I would like it to be. We read and I work with him constantly, but I think part of the problem is that I (and Mike and Grammie) know what he wants and rarely require him to actually say anything. Also, we are not around other children very much — we’ve had a few play dates and we’ve visited friends (most of which go very well once Bo warms up to the other children) but he doesn’t have any consistent contact with other children his age. And it’s time. He needs to be exposed to other kids. He needs to be able to play and make friends. He needs the social interaction.
And while logically, I know that sending a child to daycare is something that millions of parents do every day, my brain runs wild with crazy ideas. What if something happens to him when he isn’t in my care? What if he runs in the street? What if he screams and won’t eat his snack? What if he hates it?
While economically insane, I’m leaning towards sending Bo to daycare on a part-time basis and having my mom continue to watch him as well. I want to ease him (and myself) into the situation and see how things go…
I never anticipated being the type of Mom who would have such intense fears and issues with leaving my child with others. It must come from my anal retentive side that constantly wants to be in control. But I know a large part of parenting is slowly giving up that control and raising an independent thinker. I just didn’t realize it would be so difficult…