Over the course of the last several weeks, it’s become apparent that Bo needs to spend more time around other children. While there were three weeks with no childcare (and I still managed to work – *patting myself on the back*) my mom is back to watching Bo on a slightly altered schedule. That said, at Grammie’s and at home, Bo is the center of the universe and has no one close to his age to talk to and interact with.
Economically, we are quickly finding that part-time daycare is ridiculous. I won’t go into specific dollar figures as I know daycare varies wildly around the country, but it actually makes more financial sense for us to enroll Bo in daycare full-time (40 hours per week) as opposed to part-time (7 hours of daycare, 15 hours at my mom’s).
But the issue isn’t really money, it’s my issue with being away from Bo. It’s been my issue all along. I hate the idea of being away from Bo for any length of time (yet there are days when I so desperately need time to work or that much alluded to but rarely seen concept of “me time” to do something oh so important as showering…). I hate the idea of taking him somewhere and leaving him for the day. I despise the idea that I can’t do it all and work a million hours a week and be Super Mom. I hate the idea that someone else would be “raising my child.”
Logically, when I am able to set those feelings and emotions aside, I realize that in order to keep working and maintain my sanity, I can’t be with him all the time. My mom has been the perfect solution up to this point as I know she loves him unconditionally and I have no worries about him when she is in her care.
But Bo needs exposure to other children. Bo’s vocabulary, while now up to 20ish words, isn’t where I would like it to be. We read and I work with him constantly, but I think part of the problem is that I (and Mike and Grammie) know what he wants and rarely require him to actually say anything. Also, we are not around other children very much — we’ve had a few play dates and we’ve visited friends (most of which go very well once Bo warms up to the other children) but he doesn’t have any consistent contact with other children his age. And it’s time. He needs to be exposed to other kids. He needs to be able to play and make friends. He needs the social interaction.
And while logically, I know that sending a child to daycare is something that millions of parents do every day, my brain runs wild with crazy ideas. What if something happens to him when he isn’t in my care? What if he runs in the street? What if he screams and won’t eat his snack? What if he hates it?
While economically insane, I’m leaning towards sending Bo to daycare on a part-time basis and having my mom continue to watch him as well. I want to ease him (and myself) into the situation and see how things go…
I never anticipated being the type of Mom who would have such intense fears and issues with leaving my child with others. It must come from my anal retentive side that constantly wants to be in control. But I know a large part of parenting is slowly giving up that control and raising an independent thinker. I just didn’t realize it would be so difficult…
Hi,
I really enjoy your blog. I started reading a few months ago when I was going through IVF. I will be 16 weeks tomorrow. I totally agree with your decision to put Bo in daycare. I have a 13 year old and had to make that decision 12 years ago. Children seem to learn a lot quicker when they are around other kids. One bad thing is they get sick more often. If you are going to put him in daycare I would do it as soon as possible that way both of you will have time to adjust before your babies come home. It will be hard at first to let him go but it will get easier over time. He might be scared at first but I am sure he will end up loving it.
Angela
ab1973@hotmail.com
What about pre-school? BG takes a pre-school type class at the park district. It is every monday for 2 hours independently with 16 3 year olds and two teachers. She loves it and it gives me a break and some alone time with LM.
She is started preschool in the fall. She will go Tue/Thu mornings but they do have 4 day preschool too.
You may run into the same things I am running into…I would love for Seven to get more interaction with kids, but here, i HAVE to enroll him in a full time Day Care in order to do so. There are no part time places. Yet. Once he turns 2, I have a place. I would love to enroll him in a Pre-School environment, but that starts at age 3. What to do until then? Right now, he is only with me, or my Mom. And I do love it. I am excited, though, for him to turn 2 and I can taken him once or twice a week to the part time daycare. I know it will be good for him.
As for sickness, yes, kids spread germs. But let them get sick and used to germs now vs kindergarten, IMO.
Please don’t stress about Bo’s vocabulary. All kids are different. I have a nephew who is going on 3, and Seven talk way more than he does…he just kind of grunts what he wants – (I blame his Mom, she answers for him.) – we encourage Seven to say what he wants and we don’t give in until he does. Maybe that’s mean, but I have seen his vocub grow by leaps and bounds. Again, all kids are different though. Bo seems like such a smart, healthy boy – don’t stress! He’s fine!
If you can get him into a program that works for you, I say do it..and do it before the babies come. If you wait, he may see them as the reason he has to go to school when the girls get to stay home.
Wow, I rambled a lot.
Parenting is definitely not for the faint of heart. Whatever situation works for your family is the one you need to go with. Good luck getting it worked out.
First of all, I LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog!!
What about preschool!? That way he has time to be with other children everyday but its only a halfday program (usually) and then your mom could keep Bo in the afternoon. I, and all of my sisters, did this and my mom said it was GREAT for her sanity and it also gave us the much needed “peer time” Im not sure where you are located but it would definately be something that you could look into. GOOD LUCK!
I’m putting Chicka in DC one day a week. Just went yesterday for a visit a and she really seemed to like it.
There might not be an early preschool option in your town, or Bo might be too young for those programs.
My only concern about a daycare — and feel free to totally disregard this, if you feel that Bo is already going to be restricted by the twins’ arrival — is that if your twins are premature and born in the late fall/winter, your pediatrician might want you to limit Bo’s exposure to other kids outside your home for a month or so. Our pediatrician made this request since the girls were born at 36.5 weeks with low birth weight and in early November. She suggested minimal visits for the first month with my SIL, who works at a daycare center, and our niece, who attends that center.
i’ve taken my daughter to daycare since she was 3 months old. the daycare staff has “raised” her into a very intelligent pre-schooler. but that’s ok with me.
i love her daycare staff–they are like an extended family, because they teach and take care of my daughter for 8+hrs a day!!! when we see any of them at walmart, it’s just like seeing family. same when she sees her friends (from daycare).
it’s just something that you and Mike will have to work out–do what is best for you AND Bo. ALSO–daycare helps with the separation anxiety for both of you. you’re not scared to leave him = he’s not afraid to stay
another perk of daycare is—your child is ALWAYS happy to see you arrive to pick them up!! their face will light up and you will know then, that the day has been good!
I know exactly how you feel. I’m an Early Childhood teacher (special ed) but still- I should be HOME teaching my daughter the things I teach at school!
I threw up a little in my mouth the first day I brought her , and am still scared to death to bring baby #2 there, but……..in the long run, it’s doing SO much for her- she is learning SO much that even I am astonished!
Howeve,r she LOVE LOVE LOVES daycare. She’s in a fantastic in-home daycare and the range of ages has really made her who she is, IMO – she misses the routine of going there – and every AM I have to beg her for a kiss goodbye!
Hugs- it’s a hard decision!
and Ihave to comment that I LOVE your names for your girls! LOVE THEM! They ar 2 of my fave girl names!
So exciting! you are looking fantastic, hot PG mama!
my oldest didn’t speak “on schedule” but she made every other milestone so I wasn’t worried at all. we figured that because she wasn’t around other children, and as you said we guessed/anticipated her every need she didn’t get the training that other kids did. We think that because she heard adults speaking, she was almost…trying to make every word “perfect” and wouldn’t speak until she “had” it. Finally I sat her down and told her that Mommy and Daddy didn’t care how perfect her words were, we just wanted her to talk to us, so we could hear her beautiful voice. Within 2 weeks she went from 20(generous guesstimate)to any word you asked her to say and any word she could think of. I didn’t understand them all but…they were there. I never worried or stressed about her words…she gave enough signs that they would come. Our 2nd spoke well at all the “normal” times and our 3rd is like his oldest sister. Right from the get go I said he looked like number 2 but reminded me of number 1. So his speech delay doesn’t surprise me. But he’s hitting his word explosion this month and he’ll likely be speaking the same amounts as her right about the same time.
Wow that was long!! But I just wanted to share that even though mine didn’t go to daycare and she spoke late…I did notice that when she would hang out with her cousins of the same age for more than a couple hours…her speech would improve…so daycare sounds like a good option for Bo to help avoid speech issues. But some kids just do it when they are ready as well. My husbands cousin didn’t speak till he was 4 and then one day said a huge sentence. Everyone looked at him and said “You can talk!! why didn’t you before??” and he said “I just didn’t have anything to say” and shrugged. So…
First of all, all kids develop at different rates. Don’t worry about his language, you are doing everything right and he will be fine.
If you are worried about daycare, you may want to see if there is someone who stays home with one other child. It has worked out really well for LG and SB. They aren’t in daycare but they do get to socialize.
The other thing is, we have enrolled LG in a mother’s day out program through a church beginning this fall. It is only one day a week, but they do offer it twice a week too. He’ll be in a class with 4 other kids from 9-2, I think it will be great for him.
You’ll make the best decision for Bo.
I was a preschool teacher and an “infant/toddler” teacher before Zilla was born. And every one of the gals I worked with love and treat those babies as their own. Not in a “Hand That Rocks the Cradle” way but we do love “our” kids. When they get sick or hurt, we tend to them as a mother would. I agree that putting him in a daycare situation is better now then him being exposed to germs in kindergarten, is better. We didn’t do it with Zilla and he’s been sick a lot since starting school this year. We did it with nae and she’s hardly EVER sick.
Bo will love it, as will you. He’ll do fun little projects that you can put on your fridge ;o)
I completely understand how you feel. After having Skyler all to myself the first year, and then he spend much of the second year with his father… daycare was completely foreign and scary to me. But I also felt that it would provide him with some much needed socialization and a chance to spread his wings. I won’t lie, it was rough for all of us in the beginning but he has finally started to look forward to it. I give much credit for that to his teachers. I am not sure how well I will handle it with taking number two there at such a younger age, but I will cross that bridge when we come to it. Good luck in making this decision!
Zoey’s new daycare is an in-home pre-school. Being around kids who are a tad older than her and who are actually in a learning program has made her blossom.
I really hate leaving Zoey at daycare, and the first two weeks were difficult. She cried every time I dropped her off. The first week I took her during Spring Break, and I only left her there for half days. I’d pick her up at lunch time and feed and nap her at home. The second week she would be there full days.
Now she likes it so much some days she’s not ready to come home. I can pick her up as early as 2:30, but I don’t because that would interrupt her nap. On days that I have appointments or need to get errands done I might pick her up as late as 4:30, and a few times she has not wanted to come home because she was having fun.
My original plan was to pull her out during the summer, but she is learning so much and having so much fun I’ve changed my mind. I’ll leave her at daycare for the summer. Granted, it’ll probably only be a few days a week or mostly half days — but it’s been so good for her at this new place that I don’t want to mess up a good thing by taking her out of that routine.
If you find a place you like it makes all the difference. The research is horribly time consuming and stressful, though.
GOOD LUCK!!
I don’t think there is a mom out there that doesn’t have those same fears. I have been lucky to have two providers the past two years that are friends. I was worried about A not have interaction, but now she has occassional play dates with a friend of ours a few times a month.
I know that there will be a time that I will have no choice but to send my kids to daycare, and it will be hard, that’s for sure, but I know that it will also be great for them.
P.s. I got the book! Thanks! I haven’t read it yet, because I’m trying to get the last of some items graded for the year, just 5 more days!
It really is a tough decision. I was against day care at first and had worked out something with my best friend’s mom. I lost my job at 37 weeks pregnant and ended up staying home for 7 months. My best friend’s mom made other plans and I was left to look at other options. I found a phenomenal center and my son has really blossomed there. The things I really like about him being in day care is his ability to interact well with other children and all the activities they have done with him since day 1 that I would have never thought of doing with an infant.
Unlike you before I had my son I did see myself being the type of mother that would have intense fears about leaving my child. Once I had him and learned his personality I became more at ease with the whole thing.
My oldest daughter went into daycare 3 weeks after I had her. I had to go back to work immediatley. My second child went in about 6 months after her birth due to me going back to school Yet I did pull her pull her out becasue she was always sick due to a weakend immune system. She did go back in about a year later and loved it. We have since pulled both girls out for money reasons and they both wish they could go back. It really is a personal choice but also think about the interaction he will get with other kids which will help his speach. Good luck and I think the twins names are adorable.