Infertility messes with your head in ways that can’t possibly be understood by anyone who has not been through it. It’s a constant whirl of treatments that lead to isolation from friends and a determination that can only be described as primal.
From where I sit right now, I see my infertility as a positive. It’s part of who I am, but currently, it doesn’t define me. And while I made that fateful appointment to head back to see my favorite reproductive endocrinologist in November, I know that infertility will never have the same hold on me that it did before. I have Bo, and many days, I think I’m crazy to ask for more.
I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that experiencing infertility has made me a better mother. If I would have been able to get pregnant without any issues I really do not believe I would have the same respect and awe for my beautiful little boy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that those of you who were pregnant the first month you decided to give it a whirl don’t love your children — I know you do. I’m just saying that for me, going through infertility broadened my horizon and my perspective in numerous ways that allow me to see Bo differently than I otherwise would.
If I hadn’t experience infertility, I would have never become a blogger. I would have missed out on the amazing infertility community that is living in the blogosphere. I would have researched baby products less. Bo would probably have been a true Gerber baby and possibly even formula fed. I know I would have returned to work in full-time capacity with fewer reservations. Being faced with the possibility of never experiencing motherhood made me appreciate the blessing that Bo is, in ways that I don’t think I would have otherwise.
There are a million little reasons why I am thankful for infertility. I think it strengthened my relationship with Mike. While it tested many of my friendships I think it ultimately changed many of them for the better. I now know how to fight for my health. I know that doctors aren’t always right. I know it changed me in many positive ways. I know that it has helped to define who I am…
The number one reason I am thankful for infertility is easy. His name is Bo. Without infertility, we would never have had him. And he is worth everything we went through. He is worth the shots. Worth the surgeries and IV’s (yes, IV’s. I had horrible experiences with them…). Worth the years that we waited.
I know that there are many people out there who don’t believe in IVF for a multitude of reasons. There are people who don’t want to pursue treatments. There are people who are willing to live child free. I was never one of those people. I would have gone to the end of the earth to have a child — no matter if that meant IVF, surrogacy, donor eggs, or adoption. I was determined that Mike would be a dad and I would be a mom. Now, it’s easy to say that I’m glad I felt that way.
Will I be willing to go to the end of the earth again?
I think so.
Jamie, I love this post. I have always felt that I am such a better mom because of my infertility. I was very, very blessed and had twins. Then, we apparently conquered the infertility and went on to have two more. But the struggles of those years to get pregnant will stay with me forever and help me be the mom I have.
I’m also so thankful for infertility because like you it brought a lot into my life – mainly my son! Last week he was doing something cute and I realized that he is only 7 months old once and if things don’t go the way I would like this might be my only chance with a 7 month old. It made me cry a little because I’m not sure I can let go the dream of a few kids. So, at this point I probably would go the end of the earth for the chance to have one more.
Hi Jamie…it’s Julie (or @writingroads from TwitterMoms!)…thanks so much for writing this post. We went through all of this too – in our own way. And we’re about to get back on board. I’m experiencing a lot of what you just described…and it helped to read your words.
Great post…and hang in there!
We never get more than we can handle.
I believe YOU could handle going to the ends of the earth again. I cannot. You’re much tougher than I ever was, and if you want to extend your family someday go for it.
Of course you will !You won’t even look back- your life is always going to be all the richer, no matter what.
I love those onsie’s that say “worth the wait” – I was always so excited to put Keifer in hers – it is so true. They are worth the wait- I call her the “million dollar baby” but wouldn’t have it any other way
What a touching post. Thank you for sharing.
This post says exactly what I think each & every day!
Lovely post. I’ve never had infertility, but I’ve had a few miscarriages. I love my first two daughters more than anything, but our third daughter, the one who came after such devastating losses, has changed who I am as a mother.
What a beautiful post Jamie. I wrote something very similar lately and I truly am thankful for what IF brought to my life but at the same time I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
I’m here via the roundup and this post is lovely!
I wonder, after an adoption and an IVF baby, too, what the future holds. I want another. Husband doesn’t care either way. It’s so hard not to want to do it all again with the kids so close (6 mo apart) and growing FAST….but it’s also hard to justify all that money when it’s money being taken away from them not just us (we have 0 coverage).
Good luck! It’s worth it if it’s worth it. Onward and upward.
I, for one, would have rathered a sibling than having my college paid for.
I agree, too…IF has made me a better person. And so has our daughter’s adoption.
While bad things sometimes happen, it’s a rare case that good can’t come of them if you really try.
While I have no children yet, I too am greatful for living this experience. It’s a beautiful post. You’ll know the answer when the time is right
Great post! A great reminder of the ‘blessings’ of fertility and all there is to look forward to on the ‘other side’! Good luck on the next phase of your journey!
Having experienced the loss of my two babies I know that when I finally get to the point of holding a child in my arms I will have an incredible respect and awe for the journey that got me to that point. You hit the nail on the head with this lovely post. Thanks for sharing it on the Creme list.
I like what you said about IF doesn’t define you and I have to constantly remind myself of that. I will and I can defeat IF.
Sorry…meant to say in my comment above…Here from the Creme!
Worth every bit of it – for me. I have never regretted a single thing I did to get to the “after” part of my life. Even though there has been a lot of heartache and pain along the way – there have also been some true blessings.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. :0)
Good wishes.
Creme de la Creme 2008