Going through IVF I had no way to conceptualize what being a mom would be like. I just knew that it was something I wanted to do with all of my being. Now, looking at the toys that are in our living space and the glow of the baby monitor on the kitchen counter I know without a doubt that I’ve taken the right path in life. And while many of the stops along my path have been the result of conscious choices, this stop, Bo’s place in the timeline of my life, is the result of a love that is stronger than any love I have ever known…
This week, two of my former students died in a Carbon Monoxide accident. They were both girls, cousins, ages 19 and 17. When I first heard about this accident I was overcome with grief. Mom was watching Bo for a couple of hours while I worked in my classroom and I felt a gut-wrenching need to be with my son. While my first feeling was sadness regarding all that these young women will never be able to experience, my second thought was for the living… for their families…
How does one deal with the death of a child?
Accidents like this make me want to be with Bo constantly. I don’t ever want Bo away from me. Even for a moment. I want to spend every second with him. And if he dies, I want to die too. But these were teenagers. They couldn’t be with their parents all of the time. They were having fun, experiencing life, and even under the care of a responsible adult. Accidents happen. Life slips away. And there is nothing anyone can do to stop it.
This morning, two young women will be buried. They will never graduate from college, never marry, never have children. Their family, especially their parents, will mourn them and miss them for the rest of their lives. The sadness I feel for them is nearly unbearable and it makes me say, over and over, to my version of God, “Please, let me die first.”
I am sorry for those girls and their families. What a tragedy! Which reminds me, we need a new CO2 detector, guess I’ll be buying one today.
Someone once repeated a quote to me.
“Becoming a mother is allowing your heart to go walking around outside of your body.”
It’s so true eh?
My condolences.
What a sad and tragic story. I am so sorry to hear that. Just embrace every moment you have with your little Bo. May those girls RIP.
Stories like that literally take my breath away. It pains me to think of their families and all that they are going through now. I get the same way when I hear things like that – I just want to hold Aiden and never let him go.
Just last week there was a freak accident in a city about an hour away from ours. A little boy was playing in his backyard and didn’t realize his 3-year-old little brother was running up behind him. He swung a plastic bat and it hit his brother in the chest. For whatever reason the force was just right and the 3-year-old was killed. When I first read it I was shocked and I know I cried. It’s heartbreaking to think of the families that have to deal with such losses and makes me appreciate every day I have with mine.