Grandpa and me on my Wedding Day.
As you know, I was raised by my mom and my grandpa. I credit Grandpa for many of my philosophies. Truly, it’s scary when I think about how many of my thoughts and ideas stem from Grandpa — my thoughts on family, politics, religion, money, debt, education, work ethic, etc. All of them come from ideals that my grandpa established. (Don’t get me wrong — Mom had a big influence there too, especially in making sure that I can always take care of myself — but Grandpa was her original philosopher as well!)
One of the greatest lessons that Grandpa ever taught me was regarding debt. Grandpa grew up during the Great Depression and while his family was fairly well-off for the time, that time period influenced many of his thoughts regarding money…
One aspect of my Grandpa that people in today’s society find interesting is that my Grandpa never had any debt. Yes, that’s right. NEVER. He never had a loan. He never had a credit card. He never had a mortgage. It pained him greatly to have to wait until a CD came due to buy his last house. His philosophy was “if you don’t have the money to pay for it, don’t buy it.” When he bought anything, he paid in cash.
I never really understood how much of an influence his ideas about money had on me until recently. I naively thought that my thoughts regarding money were the same as everyone else, but apparently I’m in the minority. I have never paid a dime of interest on a credit card. I’ve never had a car loan. I started saving for retirement at 17 (Grandpa went with me to set up the account). I paid for my own undergraduate degree but did have a small student loan for my masters (which is now paid off – less than 3 years after completing the degree). There are thousands of examples — and these are just the ones dealing with money — but you get the idea.
What disturbs me is that nearly every decision I make I can still hear Grandpa and I know what his advice would be:
“Should we move up North?” Jamie asks.
“Don’t you like it here?” Grandpa replies.
“What should we do with the money?” Jamie asks.
“Pay off your house.” Grandpa replies.
“What should we name our son?” Jamie asks.
“I don’t know. Philip? John? Henry? Not Bo. He won’t like that name. Hehehe.” Grandpa replies. (Even though secretly, I think he was honored!)
Every part of my life has been influenced by Grandpa. In seventh grade, I thought I wanted to be a chiropractor. Grandpa’s response, “are you sure you want to touch those nasty, old people?”. That was the end of that idea.
Every major decision I’ve made with Grandpa by my side. Even though I was head over heels for Mike long before Grandpa met him when Grandpa actually LIKED him, Wow! And when Mike asked if he could marry me and Grandpa said “yes” without any hesitation, I knew he was definitely the one. Grandpa has never liked anyone my Mom was with except my dad — and I never really understood that one either…
I can hear him — in every part of my life. From the mundane “Do you want some cake?” to the important decisions about what direction to take with my life.
It’s the strangest things that make it real… I wish he was here so I could talk to him about different things… So we could argue. We were good at that. Mom says it’s what kept him young for so many years.
The last 5 months are a blur — of Grandpa’s short illness and death — of bringing Bo home and new motherhood. It has been a whirlwind. So much so that most days I do not allow myself the time to think about what life would be like if Grandpa was still here. I know that in many ways the timing could not have been more appropriate. Bo’s birth has given both Mom and me a reason to keep going and a reason to be happy. I can’t imagine how hard Grandpa’s death would have hit if we hadn’t had Bo to focus on…
Even so, some days I just miss him so “God Damn” much…
Grandpa, Me, and Mom on the day I graduated from EIU. In this picture Grandpa is 90, I’m 20, and Mom is 50. The age gaps sure did make for some entertaining conversations!
Hi Jamie-
What an awesome post…my daughter Kate was also born just as my grandma-in-law was dying. We always like to think there is a little bit of grandma in Kate–and I’m a firm believer that when one door closes another always opens.
I think your grandpa sounds like a great person.
You are definitely in the minority on the debt thing. Our old car had 185K miles and everyone couldn’t believe we were still driving it. We weren’t going to take out a loan to get a new one, so we waited. My friends thought that was strange.
Unfortunately when I was younger I got a bit out of hand with credit cards, but they are paid off and we do owe on a school loan for M, but in another year it should be gone, and in 2 our house should be paid off.
Jamie, I liked the post… I think it captures how great of an influence grandparents can have on our lives… don’t be afraid to listen to your Grandpa’s advice. My Grandma Allen and I had an extremely close bond and I always hear her voice, very similar to what you mention. She always had the BEST advice and was always there for me, and still is in that regard. It is a blessing that they are able to live on through that, whatever it may be.
This post has me miss my own Poppa so much.
You were very lucky to have such a smart man to guide you in your life.
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