The past several days have continued to be a blur. Hospital, hospital and more hospital. But Mom and I made the decision yesterday afternoon to hire 24 hour care and have Grandpa brought home. He was transferred via ambulance around 1:30 this afternoon and is now at home in a hospital bed. He spent last night in the long-term care unit. It was obvious from the moment we brought him up there that was no going to work out. We may go broke but at least he is home.
We have two women who are working 12 hour shifts to help Mom care for him. But at least this way she won’t be sleeping at the hospital. I feel much more comfortable leaving to go have Bo knowing that they are home.
It is important to note, before you read these next few sentences, that I have odd religious beliefs. I was raised Catholic but I am no longer practicing. I believe in God and in reincarnation. Part of me does not think Grandpa will make it until Bo is born because he is meant to transfer his spirit into Bo. The other part of me thinks that Grandpa is just holding on so he can meet Bo. I can’t decide which feeling is stronger at this point…
No matter what, I do not think Grandpa is long for this world. It seems so strange because I knew all along that Bo was going to trigger these events but it has still snuck up on me and happened so quickly. Just a little over a week ago Grandpa was still walking and going out drinking. I guess in many ways that is a good thing. I do not want him to suffer.
I plan to go over to see him again tomorrow before we head an hour north to have Bo. My mom is beside herself because she can’t be with Grandpa and with me at the same time, but I have thought all along that she needs to be here with Grandpa.
It is amazing how all of this has shifted my focus… While Bo has still been at the forefront of my mind many of my concerns and worries about labor and the first few days with him seem trivial at the moment. There are so many other things going on that it is hard to really even think about the fact that I will be a mom in just a few days — hopefully less than 48 hours — as scary as that sounds!
I know that now I really need to shift my focus back to Bo. I need to work on relaxing and resting so I have the energy to bring Bo into this world. I need to shift from death to birth — and probably back again shortly there after. But for now, I need to put all of this with Grandpa aside and focus on Bo — at least until I can get him here safely.
It is so hard to balance all of the feelings and emotions I am having right now. It is going to be a crazy few weeks…
Wow, what a week you have had! I understand all the feelings you are having since I went through a similar situation when my middle son was born. I wish I had read your blog a couple days ago so I could have told you about the ICU Psychosis…it is very very common for older people to experience that since in the ICU there is really no difference in day and night (lights, noises etc) and no windows it is very strange. My mom did that and it freaked me out till the nurse explained it to me.
As for Bo's arrival–take a deep breath and savor every moment of seeing him for the first time. Like you I believe there will be a part of your grandfather passed on to your son. So many times there are babies born into families at the same time a loved one is lost and there has to be a connection. I hope all goes very smoothly and don't forget to take care of yourself through this whole process!!
Hang in there with the whirlwind of things going on. I'll be thinking of you.
I hope you can manage to get some rest before you have to go and deliver Bo. I am glad your grandpa is at home and hope he hangs in there to meet his great-grandson.
I can't believe the big day is just about here! Thinking of you all the time and hoping for a wonderful delivery. I hope you can post the good news soon!
This is your Troll. I just wanted to wish you good luck with your delivery!!
Those are some swollen feet!
Flip flops are your friend.
(I thought some of the same reincarnation things when my grampa died and I was about to have R. Let us know your general impressions once Bo is here)
Praying all goes well tomorrow.
Good luck tomorrow. Can't wait to hear about the arrival of your little one!