Still going, somehow…

My last two days have been a blur… I was still at school, just not paid. I went in earlier, stayed later and took hospital “breaks” during the day. I had so much to do to get ready for my leave and I needed the flexibility to be able to go to the hospital to relieve Mom. She refuses to leave him in the room by himself. Wednesday I worked 6-9, 9-11 hospital, 11-2 work, 2-4 hospital, 4-6 work, 6-8 hospital and Thursday was pretty the same.

I wrapped up things at school yesterday and now I just have to let it go. The sub they hired has a masters in English but has never taught before. Needless to say she is going to be eaten alive by my kids… I have to let it go but it is hard to pass the reigns mid-stream. Not to mention today was midterm which complicated everything significantly. It’s done… I’ve got to just not think about it anymore…

Grandpa seemed to be doing better on Wednesday but he was not doing well at all yesterday. When I first arrived there in the morning he did not even know me. Apparently he didn’t sleep at all last night and he is barely eating. He is going to the bathroom now, which is a good sign, but it is bloody from the tumor they burned off his bladder two weeks ago — it should not be bloody anymore. He has bronchitis and he can’t walk because of his fall.

Yesterday he seemed to be experiencing some type of psychosis. He thought he had $60 in his bed. He told me to throw out his cigarettes. He wanted to know where the gear shifter was. He told me there was a picture on the wall with a lady with two knives in her back. He wanted his shoes so he could go have a drink. Weird stuff. And no matter how many times I told him he couldn’t seem to understand that he is in the hospital. We went over that about a million times. Every now and again he would come out of it and be normal for a few minutes and then go back into whatever this is. We aren’t sure if it is the medication he is on, lack of sleep, or what. Definitely scary and no fun though. The good thing is that each time I would ask him who I am he knew my name and when I pointed at my belly he knows Bo’s name.

In good news, the teachers at school did a “diaper delivery” for me today. Mandy knew that a shower was not something I could handle so when she was approached about doing something by a fellow teacher they came up with this idea. They had students drop off diapers, wipes etc. to my room throughout the day from the other teachers. Much more my style and it was something that actually made me smile today. I probably received 2500 diapers and a ton of wipes. I’ll be able to try all the brands to figure out what we really like in each size! Some teachers were really creative — personalized burp cloths and neat stuff like that. Definitely nice to feel like I belong a bit at school — definitely more so than I did when I started!!

Here is all of the diapers and stuff on the kitchen counter after I brought them in. What a mess! This is as close to a “shower” picture as I am going to get…

Tomorrow I’ll be at the hospital most of the day but I have my last prenatal appointment at 1. Fun times. I am nervous because I have to go by myself — and drive myself — because Mom obviously has her hands full with Grandpa and Mike has to work today since he is taking time off when Bo comes.

I am a bit nervous that they are going to take one look at my elephant feet and declare that today is the day… My feet are so swollen and sore and they do not seem to get better no matter what I do. I can’t believe how big my feet are — is it even possible that just a few short years ago I was a “beauty” queen? One would never know it now. That is for darn sure.

These are my feet. I sat down on the kitchen floor to take this picture. It took me forever to get back up. They hurt. And they are at least twice their normal size.

It is going to be a long, stressful weekend. So much for the restful weekend I hoped to spend at home preparing for Bo’s arrival…